In my singledom and boredom I have accidentally become a Tinder troll. I want so badly to find my other half but am going about it the complete wrong way. I get too nervous and built up to really meet people off of the app…even though four (i’m not even kidding you) of my friends have real life boyfriends directly from this app. I just cannot take people seriously when all I know about them are 1-5 pictures of their life and a corny or offensive bio that either makes me laugh because I feel pity for their wit, or cry because I have yet to find a feminist on the app and it makes me lose hope for the world.
Since I cannot take them seriously, I allow my immature and rowdy side of my personality to take control of my thumbs…and sometimes other parts of my body, to escape my lonely world that consists of a healthy balance between going to work and watching Big Brother. So this results in the same orgasmic finale from this awful and extremely recent random stranger sexting habit. I’m a coward, so unless there is an insanely gorgeous man who speaks seven languages, has jet black hair and eyebrows on fleek and who probably accidentally swiped right, then I’m not going to start the conversation. Because of this, all of the incredibly horny men message me with things like “DTF?” or “I’m conducting a survey on what percentage of women loves anal…”. The latter conversation didn’t go so well and he unmatched me after I ended up telling him that I believed in equality when he wasn’t thrilled about me wearing a strap on. So then I was discouraged for three days and almost deleted the app.
But then sometimes I just look past the bullshit and accept the nasty messages for what they really are, and I begin to embrace them. These men (boys rather) are stroking their boners while looking at pictures of me and since I am so incredibly desperate, at this point I find it flattering and even, when I’m especially horny, extremely sexy.
It has gotten to the point where I have live snapchatted a guy just to talk dirty to him and watch him rub himself till he came. I feel disgusted by myself to even admit that this was so incredibly hot for me. I never knew you could “live snapchat” someone, and I certainly embraced my first time like a champ. There was something so naughty about talking to this guy (I had my screen blacked out the whole time so he could just hear me) while watching him touch his junk.
The problem now is that I feel like I cannot break out of this troubling persona I have created for myself. I will even have normal conversations with guys and then all of the sudden they want to snap chat and I know I should never give my snapchat ID out to strangers but I can’t stop myself.
Then, just like a one-night stand, I end up waking up the next morning feeling lower than I had the day before, just to look on tinder to find that my catches for that day had unmatched me…as if throwing an ugly fish back into the sea of Tinder. I had made them cum once, they had won that battle, and now they have no desire to ever meet me and never hear the sound of my voice or experience the smell of my hair. It’s a devastating punch in the pussy and hurts every time, but I cannot break from this pathetic habit.